


Believe

by Lafaiette



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-02
Updated: 2013-12-02
Packaged: 2018-01-03 05:36:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1066377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lafaiette/pseuds/Lafaiette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Request from Tumblr. Its theme is similar to <a href="1066374">"Happy"</a>, which I wrote before this one, so I decided to post both.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Believe

It’s strange to see Wade so serious and quiet. The apartment isn’t the same, the mood is awkward, it’s like the universe itself stops to watch in astonishment Wade Wilson being silent for once.

It’s unsettling and Peter can’t take it anymore. He sighs through his nose and closes the book he was reading on his lap, setting his eyes on Wade’s figure hunched over the kitchen counter.

“Okay, what’s wrong?”

Wade grunts something, fingers idly playing with some bread crumbs, face squished against his other hand. Peter stares at him for other long seconds, before sighing again and getting up to check on him.

“Wade?” he murmurs sitting across the counter, placing the book on it and worriedly clasping his own hands. “It’s not bad to have some quietness once in a while, but you know I can’t stand you being so silent for so long.” He lets out a shaky laughter. “It’s kinda creepy, actually.”

“A lot of me is creepy.”

Well, isn’t that a nice answer. Peter frowns, worry replaced by sadness. They talked about this already and he thought he managed to convince Wade that his look doesn’t matter, that he loves him the same despite the scars.

Apparently doubts and fears are coming back to haunt him, but Peter knows what to do. Sometimes a good earful is the best approach to finally put some assurance in someone else’s spirit.

“Listen, Wade…” Peter starts, hoping his tone is stern enough, but Wade precedes him: “And I’m not talking about my look, Peter. Well, not just that. I’m an ugly person inside too.”

_Not this._ Peter thinks while sorrow crushes his heart like a boulder. This is probably the most difficult subject to discuss with Wade. He secludes and hides himself when these moments arrive, he doesn’t want to hear anything, he doesn’t _believe_ anything. He just shakes his head or stays still and it doesn’t matter how sweet the words are, he just doesn’t accept them.

Peter can convince him about his look and face when those attacks come, but it’s always tremendously difficult when the problem is Wade’s soul and _inner_ look.

“Wade…”

The merc’s unreadable expression turns into a scowl as he continues: “I’m ugly and worthless, Peter. I’m good for nothing. I… I have nothing to offer you. It’s only predictable for you to break up with me in the future.” He raises his eyes from the counter to look at Peter. There are no tears and Peter would almost rather have those, because he would know how to wipe those off. But there is just pain and resignation and he feels helpless.

“I really don’t know what takes you so long. Probably it’s just because of your good heart.”

Peter doesn’t like snapping. It’s just not his style, he’s more a “let’s-calmly-talk-about-this” guy.

But sometimes life and people get on his nerves and he has to shout and vent. He would go crazy otherwise.

This is one of those rare moments. Sure, he got a little angry at Wade before - especially during their patrols when he insisted to use his guns -, but he’s such a dork and his puppy eyes and whines are so incredibly effective Peter can’t really pout at him too long.

Now, though, he really snaps. He doesn’t want to hear this self-deprecation anymore, he hates those fears, those doubt and that self- _hatred_ that mercilessly haunt Wade since… since forever probably. If soft, sincere, reassuring words and sweet touches don’t work, then he will have to use tougher tactics.

“For the last time, Wade Wilson!” he shouts standing up and Wade jumps on his seat, widening his eyes with something akin to horror. Peter is aware of his own red cheeks, furious glare and clenched fists and he goes on: “I’m not one of those assholes who hurt you in the past and still treat you as garbage! Stop putting me on the same par as them, because I’m so not one of them! You think I’m that shallow? You really think I am with you just because of… of _pity?_ ” The mere thought shakes Peter to the bones and he walks around the counter to grab Wade by his t-shirt, looking at him with eyes full of ire.

“Or do you really think I’m gonna break up with you? That I’m gonna abandon you, say goodbye, forget about you? Why do you think you-” and he points at them both with a shaky gesture “ _us_ \- is not worth my love and attention?”

“I…” Wade babbles, but he closes his mouth when Peter raises his voice and shakes him by the collar: “I’m not one of those people and I _love_ you! I love you for being so stupid, I love you because you always try your best even when the world spits at you! You always keep fighting and I know you are a good person, I know you have a big, good heart! So you better keep that in mind and stop this nonsense at once! Stop degrading yourself and having doubts!”

“But…”

Peter is pretty sure he can kill someone with only his face, right now, and Wade visibly shivers and cowers.

“No buts! Or I’m gonna burn all your Bea Arthur articles and photos!” Peter hisses. His breath is heavy and his hair all over the place. He sighs and calms himself down, closing his eyes and breathing through his nose. Then he looks at Wade again and takes his hand. The poor man gulps, but keeps being silent, maybe too shocked to find something to say.

“Is that clear?” Peter softly asks, voice a little hoarse due to the sudden shouting. Wade nods multiple times and the younger man finally cracks a smile.

“C-Can I talk now?” Wade squeaks. “…I just did, but this doesn’t count, right? Pleasedon’tkillme.”

“Of course you can talk, knucklehead.”

Wade clears his voice and squeezes Peter’s hand, looking timid and still a bit shaken.

“I… I will try to do what you said. Promise.” he murmurs looking down at their entwined fingers. “It… it may take some time. I mean, you know I have many psychological problems, obsessions, psychosis… I have had those since I can remember and it’s gonna take some time to finally respect myself again… But…”

He takes a long breath and pulls Peter closer, placing his forehead on his chest.

“But I won’t doubt you or us ever again. That I swear.” He lifts his head and when Peter leans on him to kiss his face he mumbles a shy “sorry”.

“It’s okay. Sorry if I shouted at you.”

Peter absentmindedly strokes the older man’s head, thinking about this sudden depression attack (he really doesn’t know how to call it otherwise). There has been always something that prompted Wade’s fears in the past and Peter knows the same is valid now too.

“Did something happen?” he softly asks sitting on the merc’s lap. “Someone said something to you…?”

Wade, face still pressed against Peter’s chest, hums negatively and rummages into his jeans pocket.

Peter takes the paper Wade is handing him and frowns: it’s a magazine ad featuring two men kissing under some Christmas lights. It’s an advertisement for a clothes store that recently opened downtown that wants to make a good impression on the public.

“I… I don’t understand.” Peter admits. He also turns the paper over, but there is only a boring article about the weather on the other side.

“I just looked at them and…” Wade shrugs, arms wrapped around Peter’s lean body. “Every bad thoughts came rushing into my mind. I felt ugly and horrible and then I thought about you and…” He sighs and hides his head again, inhaling Peter’s scent.

The young man quietly tears up the paper and throws the little pieces on the kitchen counter. When he lowers his head to look at Wade, he’s smiling.

“I don’t even like that kind of stores.” he says. “Too expensive and chic. Give me a simple shirt and some jeans and I’m ready to rock hard!”

Wade snorts and slowly, so slowly, Peter gets off his legs and guides him to the couch. Wade follows obediently and when they are sitting again he embraces the young man, kissing his hair and cheek.

“Feeling better?” Peter asks and Wade nods slowly, without ceasing his kisses.

“Believe me when I say you are good.” Peter begs cupping the scarred cheeks and stroking them with his thumbs, caressing the uneven skin and bumps. “Believe me when I say you are not ugly and worthless, Wade.”

And when Wade smiles softly and nods with bright eyes, Peter knows he finally does.


End file.
